Hey Fam,
It’s me Samson. I’ve got some updates. First, I’ve decided to bring my life’s journey to a more public forum.
I’m a realist, so I’ll admit it. I’m a lazy freeloader, and dad is a cheapskate. He won’t spring for me to have my own blog website, so I have no means of purchasing one.
After much deliberation, I have decided to take my evil stepmother up on her offer to utilize her sunflowermusings.com website as a guest blogger.
Second, the small human has taken a liking to me. This makes me feel awkward, so I am doing what I can to deter him.
One night, he grabbed a pillow and blanket and parked his tiny booty in MY orthopedic bed right next to me.
Bruh. My bed is sacred. I do not share.
I shook myself out from under his tiny hug, stood up, walked away, and laid down. This child picked up his pillow and blanket, dragged it behind him, and followed me! 🤯
I repeated the process. He continued to follow me. After the 3rd time, I decided to allow him to lay with me for a few minutes. I waited until he was asleep and moved.
Half asleep, he continued to follow me! It went on like this until approximately 3am when he finally gave up and climbed into bed with Dad and my evil stepmother.
By the end of the night, I was exhausted.
Training humans is hard work.
I am honestly appalled that Dad allowed this to happen. He knows I need my daily 16 hours of beauty sleep.
On the upside of the small child being obsessed with me, unbeknownst to dad and my evil stepmother, he now opens the door for me to go outside. I’ve been able to peruse the neighborhood and cause general mischief.
One day, I stood in front of our neighbors garage while she was trying to pull in. Another day, I started chasing some dogs who were taking their humans on a walk. You get the idea.
Each time, a neighbor has either texted dad or my evil stepmother and ratted me out or dragged me home. Very uncool. I’ll be sure to pee on their flower pots.
Dad and my evil stepmother are absolutely mortified each time. They could not figure out how I was getting out until one day, my evil stepmother watched the small human open the door, let me out and shut it again.
They’ve since been gating everyone out of the entry way when they are home. They also sent me to Mimi and Papa’s again.
One day, I overheard Mimi on the phone with my evil step mother saying that dad was coming to get me. So, I jumped up on the counter and stole food off of it right while she was on the phone.
That was a warning 🐝-otches. I don’t want to go to my tiny human infested home.
These are the options: 1.) I stay at Mimi and Papa’s and be a good boy, or 2.) I go home and raise hell. Dad and my evil stepmother better choose wisely.
Wish me luck as I navigate this new life overtaken by children.
Peace and love friends!
Your buddy,
Samson
Love it . Samson is the best lol