Having Faith As A Conspiracy Theorist

If you know me, even a little, you know I don't blindly trust anything. I am not a go with the flow type of girl. If everyone believes it, chances are, I am questioning it. It's in my nature to go against the grain and think for myself even when that loses me friends. Notice that I say, "when" not, "if."

On this same note, I haven't raised my hands in church in years. Before I became a free thinker, I used to do it because everyone else was, and it was the Christian thing to do.

When I reinvented my faith, after my divorce, I stopped. I did not want to do it just because people expected that of me or because it was the Christian thing to do. I wanted God to clearly and directly put it on my heart, and He didn't, so I just didn't. I've been the non-hand raising girl on the worship team.

Again, I'm just not going to do it simply because everyone else is.

However, for the last 12 years, I have been raising my hands above my head in yoga for extended periods of time in poses like Ego Eradicator. Not because everyone else is doing it, but because my yoga teacher gave me the, "why."

Among many benefits, it very quickly calms the nervous system. It teaches your body to stay calm in uncomfortable situations, and builds resilience. It supports clarity and balance. It's good for lymphatic drainage, activating the adrenals, posture, and more!

More and more over the years, God has shown me that he puts guidance for life in the Bible, not to test us or make sure that we are blindly following Him. Not so He can later be like, "Gotcha! You failed. You suck. Hell for you."

God gives us guidance NOT for His own benefit or some kind of convoluted ego trip.

God gives us guidance for OUR benefit. Just like I give my kids guidance to keep them alive, healthy, and thriving, it is the same with God. He loves his children and wants us to be happy.

He created the world. He understands the science around our bodies and our minds better than any human will ever be able to comprehend.

1 Timothy 2:8 and other verses tell us to raise our hands in prayer.

About a month or two ago, out of the clear blue sky, God connected the dots for my reason-needing brain. For the exact reasons that I raise my hands in yoga, this is why we should raise our hands in prayer and worship. Not for some weird culty vibe, but to calm our minds and nervous systems and benefit our bodies.

It's for our own benefit. It blew my mind, and I couldn't believe that I didn't connect those dots sooner.

I am currently reading Quantum Miracles by Steve McVey. I highly recommend it! It's life changing.

When I was a child, I grew up in a church of leaders with unshakable faith in Jesus accompanied by numerous BIG miracles including that in the life of my Pop who defied the odds and had not one, but two liver transplants and is still alive today to tell the story. Additionally, our pastor Jim, who also defied all odds, and had a life saving heart transplant.

Furthermore, we saw "little miracles" happen all the time. Like the time our church was supposed to be feeding burgers and hot dogs to an entire parade of people as well as whoever else was watching near by on Memorial Day, but someone forgot the buns, and it wasn't noticed until last minute. Everyone was freaking out, but Pastor Jim, was calm as a cucumber and said that God would provide. A guy randomly dropped off enough buns for everyone.

I heard prayers from Janice, Pastor Jim's wife, that were so confident and faith filled. She would thank God for providing what she was asking for BEFORE He provided.

When my family was scared that my Pop would die, she confidently thanked God for his healing. Her prayers exuded confidence in God, and they always made me feel so safe. I felt like she had a special direct line to Him because let me tell you, God came through. I saw it with my own two eyes time and time again in four wall of that little white church in Rensselaer, NY.

For the past five years, I have been trying to wrap my head around this and understand. I want faith like Pastor Jim and Janice, but I'm a doubting Thomas. My brain needs reasons and proof.

I've been holding onto Matthew 17:20 about how faith as small as a mustard seed could move mountains. I have been clinging to my mustard seed faith in the midst of all my questions and doubts.

In his book, Steve McVey digs into the Quantum science behind faith and miracles backing everything up with scripture. I can now wrap my brain around the science behind Janice's prayers. It has brought me to my knees to understand the "why" behind prayers which are now backed by humanity's futile understanding of the depth of the inner workings of the universe.

McVey talks about how the Bible says in Matthew 18:19-20 that where two or more are united in prayer that miracles will happen. He goes on to talk about how quantum science backs this up. In experiments where a group of people gathering with focused intention, the energy amplified the power of the desired outcome.

He also addressed the validity of Janice praying as if God already provided her with her desired outcome. Scripture tells us to do this in Mark 11:24 and now quantum science provides information that makes it make sense to our brains.

This is so exciting!

This may be an unpopular thought, but how can faith be our own if we don't ask questions and doubt? Question your faith. Question God.

Give Him time, space, and freedom and let Him make it real to you in His/your own way because He will if you let him.

God is not limited to a church building. The Bible says that we are the church. He reveals himself to us exactly where we are.

My time on my yoga mat brought me back to God. It currently gives me a focused time to connect to Him and my own body and continues to deepen my relationship to Him.

Science draws me closer to God. Nature brings me closer to God. Etc.

Don't limit yourself or God, and don't be afraid to doubt. Jesus invited Thomas to look and feel His scars, so as to be able to put his doubts to rest. He does that for me, and He will do it for you.

Keep going, Friends.