When Being Thankful is Hard

Elsa came to upstate NY yesterday and gave us a pretty epic snowstorm. We had a cozy fire and plenty of snacks. It was kind of fun.

However, by today,  my children were stir crazy.

Constant nagging questions that were pressing limits and boundaries. Lots of demanding what they wanted. Lots of attitude. Lots of fun.  🙄

On top of that, a sneaky little migraine decided to grace me with its presence, so I was feeling less than grateful and patient.

At one point, I jokingly asked Erik when their parents were coming to pick them up. I couldn’t wait for bedtime to have some time to myself.

Well, bedtime came and my boys were just the cutest and sweetest. We had the coziest cuddles, and Eli took my picture and said he had to because I was the prettiest mama 🥹.

As I laid there, getting them to sleep, Erik on one end of the bed and me on the other with the boys sandwiched between us, I thought about all the tears I cried over potentially never being able to settle down and have children.

I thought about all the times I wondered if I’d end up alone with no one to love me.

I looked at my babies and Erik and became overwhelmed with gratitude that I am currently living the life I once prayed so hard for.

Not only did I pray hard, I fought hard for them. I kept putting myself out there, going all in, and giving everything I had in these dead end relationships only to fail over and over.

It felt like I’d take a step forwards towards the family I wanted only to get shoved three steps back.

It was gut wrenching and depressing, but with some help and encouragement from my mom who never let me wallow in self pity for too long, I kept getting up, shaking off the dirt, and getting back in the ring only to get sucker punched again.

Until, I finally met Erik who was/is everything and more that I ever wanted and needed.

God is faithful, and his timing is perfect.

I sat there in amazement gazing at the most loving, understanding, patient, forgiving, handsome man who  gives his all for me and our boys every day and the two most beautiful, caring, funny, sweet, adorable little boys.

Life gets chaotic and overwhelming. It’s easy to get swept up in the stress, annoyances, and desires for more, but when I remember where I used to be and look at how far I’ve come, being thankful and grateful becomes as easy as taking a breath.

If you’re like me today, overwhelmed, overstimulated, tired and struggling to be grateful, pause and reflect on how far you’ve come and how faithful God has been thus far.

If you’re like I used to be, out there wishing on a star for a family and losing hope, don’t give up and don’t be afraid!

As the Wayne Gretsky quote says, “You miss 100% of the chances you don’t take.”

Take risks. Let your heart get broken a bunch of times. Eventually, you figure out exactly who you are and what you want and need. It will be worth it.