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Navigating “Mean Girls”

Updated: Jul 26

One time, in an elevator full of people at work, this grown woman that I didn’t know very well looked me up and down and said, “What are you even wearing?” in a mean sounding voice. I laughed it off and acted like it didn’t bother me, but it really hurt my feelings and embarrassed me.

It was the year my fiancé left me because he, “didn’t love me anymore.” I was wearing a flowy flowery shirt thing I bought on my trip to Nashville on the week that would have been my wedding and honeymoon. I spent more on it than I normally would spend on a shirt, but it was beautiful, and I loved it, and I felt beautiful wearing it…..until that moment.

Today, I was in my closet, and I looked up and saw that shirt. I was reminded of that moment. I tried not to let her words get to me, but since that incident, I’ve only worn it a handful of times in several years. There are two things I’d like to say about this. One is be kind, and the other is who cares what other people think.

You never know what people are going through, so just being kind is a good idea. At the time that this woman insulted my outfit, I was really struggling. I had recently found out that my fiance, who gave me no real explanation for ending things with me, had been cheating on me.

I put on a brave front, but the end of that relationship crushed me, and that news crippled me emotionally. I tried to stay positive and keep on living my life, but among a bunch of other things I was feeling like an idiot, a loser, and not worthy. I didn’t think I could trust myself anymore, my self-confidence took a huge hit, not to mention I was standing in the rubble of my hopes and dreams that had fallen down around me.

Women need to have each other’s backs. Let’s build each other up instead of tearing each other down. When you see someone with great hair, say it! When you see someone with a cute outfit, say it! When someone looks beautiful, tell them! My Grandma taught my dad, and he taught me that, “if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, don’t say anything at all.” I think there is a lot of wisdom in that.

My second thought is people are going to outwardly or silently judge you no matter what you do. Someone is not going to like what you’re doing or wearing no matter what. Some people will even make up reasons to not like you if they can’t find a legitimate one.


If they are judging you or your clothes, they are in a place of small mindedness. I am not standing here in a place of judgment for the people being mean. I too have been the mean one. When people operate from a place of feeling so small that they need to put others down for no reason at all, please ignore them, and go on your merry way being fabulous. Wear the flowery flowy shirt thing that makes you happy. Sing the song you wrote. Take the dance class. Talk about your passions. Live your truth.

Be you loudly and proudly.

Sell out to no one’s narrow mindedness including your own. Sometimes, the meanest voice is actually the one in our own head.

Don’t worry about the words of the people being mean and narrow minded. They are clearly wounded. You wouldn’t let a person with broken legs tell you it’s stupid to use your legs, so don’t let someone who has been hurt tell you how to live your life.

Be eccentric. Be unapologetically you. The world doesn’t need you to fit in. The world needs you to stand out, follow your heart, and be whatever it is God created you to be.

Wear the flowery flowy shirt thing.

I’m going to.

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