I always thought that by the time I was in my 30’s I’d have it all figured out. Here I am 32 years old. I don’t have it all figured out. However, I do have one thing figured out. No one has it figured out!
Life keeps throwing new situations at us that we never had to deal with before. It’s a constant learning and growing process.
One Sunday, Erik and I last minute, randomly selected a church to visit. It just so happened that Susan Richardson, a prophet, was there that day giving the sermon. Before starting the sermon, she boldly said, God had a word for a Kelsea. She asked if a person named Kelsea was in the room.
I looked around waiting for another Kelsea to raise her hand. No one else did, so I timidly put up mine. At the end of a very powerful prophesy, she told me to “Get in the river and flow, and He will blow my mind with what He will do in and through me.”
This was powerful, for me in particular, because I’m not really a get in and flow kind of girl by nature. I’m more of a get a bunch of buckets and empty the river, so I can just walk kind of a girl. Trusting God does not come naturally for me, but there is so much peace in letting go, being still, and letting God move.
Recently, God has been showing me that while my brain that just automatically thinks ahead, assesses a potentially dangerous situation, and reroutes the path to keep everyone safe and avoid disaster is sometimes a positive thing, it also, sometimes, goes too far. By living in a state of worrying about the future, I am not living in the present moment to its fullest extent as I am distracted by the future. This is stealing my joy.
Since having a child, I can’t even begin to count the number of friends, acquaintances, and random strangers that have told me about how fast it goes by and warned me to enjoy every minute because it passes by so fast.
It’s so true that it is going by really fast. I blinked, and he is already two. My brain that is already 1,000 steps ahead has already been worried and become very saddened by the idea that my son will grow up, get a family of his own, and have less time for his mommy who adores him with her entire heart. Even before he was born, I worried about this and selfishly wanted him all to myself.
I had this revelation recently, that I don’t need to live in fear of the future in this way or stay stuck in the past. My son was the most beautiful and sweetest infant. I loved that stage. I loved just sitting and cuddling him while he snuggled peacefully in my arms.
Sometimes, I wish I could go back, but then I realize, I absolutely love the stage he is in now. He’s so smart and developing so fast. Every day, he is amazing me with his progress. I love that he loves singing with me. I adore how he throws his tiny arms around my neck and squeezes me as tight as he can.
Each stage comes with its own beauty and challenges. I get less peaceful cuddles now, but I get a lot more sleep than I did in the infant stage. Now, I am learning how to be a parent to someone with their own clear thoughts, opinions, and ideas, which is a growing experience for me, but I also get to watch in amazement as his sweet, loving, caring, intelligent personality blossoms. Right before my eyes, he is becoming his own independent self, and it’s just incredible.
Yes, someday he will grow up and need me less, and this will be hard for me. Life is a constant growing experience. Just like I am adjusting now, I will learn how to adjust to that stage too. There is going to be beauty there too.
If I do anything right, I will get to be there for him and cheer him on as he fearlessly chases his goals, passions, and dreams knowing that his mom believes in him and has every confidence in him and his capabilities. Prayerfully, someday, I will get to watch him enter in to a marriage with the person that makes his soul happy. Maybe, he will choose to have children, and I will get to watch him as he figures out how to be an incredible dad.
Just like He has always been there for me helping me through each stage of my life, my Heavenly Father will be there giving me the grace to process the big emotions that may come with each new stage of life and parenthood and help me to find the joy in each new phase.
As Pastor Jim used to say, “Isn’t it exciting to see what God is going to do next?”
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7).
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6:33-34).
So, if you’re like me and struggle with change and trusting God with our circumstances and the people in our lives, put down your buckets and get in the river and flow with me. God’s going to take us to a new level of faith, joy, and peace that passes understanding.
But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit (Jeremiah 17:7-8).